Choose Wisely

by Janet M. Shlaes, PhD

Your current reality results from your prior choices. Every day, you are faced with a myriad of choices, from comparatively “simple” ones regarding self-expression, where to live and work, money and relationships, to the more complex ones regarding ethics and morality. What many often fail to realize is that seemingly simple choices turn out to be significant life altering ones in the long-run.

If you are like most individuals, many of your life choices tend to be more reactive than proactive. Do you usually make decisions guided by self-awareness, intention, values and principles? Or, do you often make “decisions by default,” via not choosing anything or following the path of least resistance? Not making a decision often releases unanticipated and often unwanted outcomes. Most “decisions by default” result from fear, fear of the unknown, what others will think or feel, or fear of undesired consequences.

Although it may initially seem easier to reactively choose, you may wind up with someone else’s version of who you should be and what you should do. Consciously choosing requires courage and faith – the courage to mindfully act from your highest values and faith that things will work out in the long-run.

Your current reality results from your prior choices. What will you choose today? What future reality will you set into motion today?

Janet

For related posts, check out the following links:

Kindness

Gratitude

Aligning your Values and Actions

by Janet M. Shlaes, PhD

What do you profess to value and what do you actually value? Lately, I’ve increasingly noticed the gap between words and actions in myself and in others. This repeatedly shows up around the gravitational pull of technology. Don’t get me wrong. I love the benefits of technology, dearly treasure my technological gadgets and greatly appreciate what technology does to enhance our work and increase our connection with others. Unfortunately, there are costs attached to always being virtually connected.

Connection via technology often provides the illusion of relationship at the expense of authentic connection. I am increasingly disturbed to see people sitting on a bench in an art museum or a playground focusing on their email, texts, etc. rather than on the amazing work of art in front of them or their miraculous offspring. I would imagine that if asked, each of these individuals would talk about valuing art, beauty and the miracle of life. I have also been guilty of these behaviors resulting from the seduction of technology.

What do you profess to value and what do you actually value? Actions, rather than words, ultimately define how we move through the world, who we are and what we truly value. We often choose actions that are not aligned with our stated values and our desired identity. I invite you to step back on a regular basis to observe the alignment of your words and actions with your core values.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Janet

For related posts, check out the following links:

Should, Could, Accomplish

Thinking Small for Big Results

Asking the Right Questions

Asking the Right Questions

by Janet M. Shlaes, PhD

The questions you ask determine your reality and your results. What types of questions do you regularly ask? Do they tend to get you the results that you truly want? The types of questions you regularly ask determine your focus, the information you seek and take in, your overall experience in the world and, most importantly, your results. Leaning to ask the right questions is both a process and an evolutionary journey. Asking questions with conscious intention can result in creativity and next level results. This bold claim holds true across professional and personal realms. A few of my favorite questions that lead to collaboration, enthusiasm, creativity and results include, but are not limited to, the following questions.

If anything were possible, what result would we want to accomplish? This type of question immediately puts us in a “visioning,” rather than a “problem solving” state of mind. The question doesn’t ignore that problems exist; it powerfully puts people in the space of what might be possible when everyone is committed to the same outcome goal. I have personally found that this question is highly effective in both the professional and personal realms and fully aligns with the Appreciative Inquiry model (one of my favorite approaches to creating). An added bonus is that problems, potential and imagined, tend to be eliminated or solved with this approach.

What type of discussion would be the best use of our time? Another version of this is “What type of conversation has the best chance of getting us what we want?” These types of questions are useful when a conversation progresses into a conversation of who is right or wrong or a “blaming” conversation. Asking these questions or some other version of them empowers participants to step back and reboot the conversation to one that has a higher probability of moving the project and/or the relationship forward.

The questions you ask determine your reality and your results. What types of questions do you regularly ask? What types of results do you want to achieve?

For addition insights and observations, I invite you to check out the following posts:

Defining Moments

Optimal Performance Fundamentals 
Making a Difference

Empty Space: The Gateway to Creativity and Presence

Written by Janet Shlaes, PhD

“Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to look at things in a different way.” ~ Edward de Bono

What do you do when faced with the reality of empty space, dedicated time without external distractions? If you’re like most people, truly empty space might leave you feeling a bit edgy, wondering what you might be missing. What you might not fully realize is that this selfsame empty space is essential to the creative process. The most powerful insights and inspired musings take place in the empty spaces where we are not faced with a myriad of external diversions.

Please be assured that I am not suggesting that we give up any of the gifts of technology, beauty, nature and relationships. What I am suggesting is that when you intentionally incorporate empty space into your day, you will ultimately be more fully present to every aspect of your life. Commit to incorporating a bit of empty space into each day and just notice what it feels like. Start small, a mere five minutes to begin with and expand your empty space over time. Some possibilities include:

1.     Walking to your next destination without looking at or using your smartphone,

2.     Setting aside dedicated time each day to just think about whatever comes to mind,

3.     Journaling about whatever comes to mind in the moment,

4.     Formally scheduling empty space time in your calendar.

What are some gifts that might wait for you via incorporating some empty space into your life?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

If You're Asking the Question
Quitting
Joy of Single Tasking

Beginner's Mind Benefits

Written by Janet Shlaes, PhD

Have you ever had the experience of arriving at your destination oblivious to what transpired between the time you left and the time you arrived? Perhaps you were focused on some unsolved problem, a prior interpersonal exchange or maybe you were just too tired to focus your attention on your surroundings. If this is your usual experience, you’re not alone. It’s common to move through your daily routine unmindful of the potential gifts in your seemingly ordinary surroundings.

I offer you an alternative to this unaware state of mind – embodying a Beginner’s Mind way of moving through the world. Beginner's Mind embodies the qualities of openness, enthusiasm, creativity, optimism and awe. Young children exemplify the Beginner’s Mindset, seeing and experiencing their world through freshness and wonder. Through Beginner's Mind, one is able to take in what is present in the moment. Things that adults characteristically ignore or take for granted become opportunities for curiosity, engagement and wonder. Beginner’s Mind empowers you to co-exist in the familiar from multiple perspectives - seeing beyond the surface to experience the formerly ordinary as extraordinary. 


Where in your life could you benefit from embodying a Beginner’s Mindset? I invite you to try this out for a week or two or three and notice the shift in the quality of your experience in the world.

Janet

For addition insights and observations, I invite you to check out the following posts:

Reality TV Wisdom

Agendas - Yours, Mine and Ours

Getting Fluffy

Forgiveness and Emotional Intelligence

by Janet Shlaes, PhD

Choosing forgiveness embodies the essence of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It requires self-, other- and social-awareness, as well as the capacity to move beyond one’s present emotions to a more expansive state. Forgiveness, although often quite challenging, is a gift that you give to yourself - a gift that momentarily releases you from the past. The act of forgiveness requires letting go of something – a sense of injustice, disappointment, rage, perspective, desire, expectation, vision and/or hope. Forgiveness requires moving beyond what should have been to a place of coexisting with what occurred. This does not in any way suggest that you should agree with, condone or appreciate the action or situation that calls for your forgiveness, especially when faced with objectively dreadful situations that are out of your control and understanding.

Forgiveness is about taking back your power. The biggest misconception regarding forgiveness is that it’s a one-time endeavor – you simply forgive and the offending injustice is over. Quite the contrary. Forgiveness is an ongoing endeavor. You choose to engage in the act of forgiveness when the emotional charge from a past wrong invades your current reality. Unless you intentionally choose to forgive and momentarily let go of the past, your precious life force will be utilized in keeping the past alive.  Forgiveness is about freedom, focusing on what truly matters and stepping into the energy of courage and strength. According the Gandhi, “Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Would you rather be right or happy? Forgiveness is about choosing to be happy. What will you choose?

Janet

For additional commentaries to ponder, I invite you to browse the following links:

Optimal Performance Fundamentals

Courage Revisited

Defining Moments

The Road to Happiness: Three Essential Skills

The Road to Happiness: Three Essential Skills

by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

People who tend to be happy live intentionally with regard to three core happiness skills. They understand that happiness is a choice, rather than a birthright and are committed to practicing these skills on a daily basis. They know exactly what they want, what constitutes their unique version of happiness and are proactive in their happiness journey. Happy people appreciate that happiness is a daily endeavor, rather than a absolute destination. Employing the three essential happiness skills detailed below can empower you to live a life of purpose, direction, passion and authentic happiness.

Self-awareness:

What makes you happy? On the surface, this seems like a simple question, however, getting to the heart of this question can be quite challenging for most. Why? Getting to the core of what makes you happy requires moving beyond externally generated messages regarding the “shoulds” of happiness and moving to a deeper level of awareness. Authentically answering this question requires honesty, courage and vulnerability. Your answer will greatly inform you about your deepest values, needs and motivators. It may also require letting go of people, possessions and circumstances that don’t align with your unique happiness narrative.

Commitment:

What are you willing to commit to as a means to bringing more happiness into your life? Once you have a working knowledge of your particular version of happiness, commitment enters the picture. Being fully committed to doing whatever it takes to create a fulfilling values-based life provides the requisite motivation and sustenance to move through any challenges that present on your journey. Commitment is rarely a one-time act; it requires returning to the primary question of what makes you happy and periodically reconnecting with your commitment to living a life of meaning and passion.

Self-care:

The skill of self-care is often the most difficult one to embrace; for some it feels selfish to focus on self-care when they have others to think of. Consider, however, the familiar instructions on airplanes where we are asked to put on our own oxygen mask and then take care of our loved ones. What if your happiness directly served to enhance the lives of those you care about? Your level of happiness positively impacts your relationships on a personal and professional basis. I’m not suggesting a life of pure self-focus at the expense of others, however, a lack of self-care will not serve anyone. Self-care is not a one size fits all feat. For some, self-care may include a healthy lifestyle via exercise or diet. For others it may involve hobbies, socializing, being in nature, reading, etc. What matters is that your approach to self-care provides positive benefits to you and others in your personal and professional lives.

Happiness is a choice and a life-long endeavor requiring self-awareness, commitment to doing whatever it takes and intentionality with regard to self-care. What is your unique version of happiness? What are you willing to do to bring more happiness into your life?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

If You're Asking the Question

Are Your SMART Goals Smart Enough?

Quitting

Expectations and Next Level Results

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Checking the results of a decision against its expectations shows executives what their strengths are, where they need to improve, and where they lack knowledge or information.”

~ Peter Drucker

Our expectations provide us with two major functions: the generation of aspirational goals and comparison check points to guide us toward accomplishing these goals. Expectations, when used in a visionary strategic manner, ultimately serve to expand your competence and accelerate your accomplishment of targeted goals. The source of your expectations is critical with regard to using them as a guide and motivator. Externally generated expectations, when not aligned with your core values, can serve to elicit resentment and self/other-sabotage. Internally generated expectations that align with your core-values, tend to result in bold visions and the setting of personally meaningful goals. These goals are then easily translated into realistic ambitious action steps that elegantly lead to your desired vision. An essential aspect of internally generated expectations is the creation of natural "resting places" for evaluating your progress. As detailed in the Peter Drucker quote above, these evaluation moments provide you with essential information regarding adjusting your actions steps, skills and perhaps your entire process.

What personal expectations will you commit to strategically acting on in 2017? Imagine the possibilities for utilizing your expectations to accomplish next level results.

Janet

For addition insights and observations, I invite you to check out the following posts:

Should, Could, Accomplish

Thinking Small for Big Results

Resolutions Don't Work

by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

Today is the day when many generate New Year’s resolutions that are destined to fail. I track this every year at my local health club. For the first two weeks of January, it’s unbelievably crowded. As the month progresses, the crowds dissipate at an alarmingly (and comforting) rapid rate. This tendency is repeated in a variety of personal and professional arenas as well intended New Year’s Resolutions fall apart. Why, you may ask, does this situation repeatedly occur at this time of year? Resolutions, although well intentioned, tend to be overly ambitious aspirational goals rather than more realistic and pragmatic ones. They tend to focus more on the idealized outcome than on the process of building sustainable outcomes. 

I recommend a highly effective alternative to New Year's resolutions, a process oriented alternative that facilitates the development of habits that align with aspirational goals. This process is known as a 30-Day Challenge. It takes approximately 30 days to develop a new habit, 30-days for your brain to rewire and shift your aspirational goal into your daily routine. Resolutions tend to be unrealistically grand, while 30-Day Challenges focus more on developing habits that support your aspirational goals. Taking on a 30-Day Challenge around health and fitness recognizes that fitness is a process that requires gradually improving your health and strength over time.  For example, if your goal is to improve your fitness level in the current year and you’ve been habitually sedentary in the prior year, your 30-day challenge might be to walk for 15-20 minutes every day for 30 days. Staging your aspirational goal of health and fitness via a 30-Day Challenge results in setting up a structure to increase the probability of success, rather than the likelihood of failure.

The 30-Day Challenge structure utilizes the construct of neuroplasticity to organically restructure your brain. It also facilitates the building of positive self-esteem and appreciation for process. As you stage your aspirational goals via a series of 30-Day Challenges, you will ultimately find yourself accomplishing goals that may have seemed unobtainable in the past. What aspirational goal could you choose to take on as a series of 30-Day Challenges this year?

For addition insights and observations, I invite you to check out the following posts:

Optimal Performance Fundamentals   

Learn Something New

Small Adjustments, Big Results

Authenticity

Authenticity by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”

~Kurt Cobain

Each of us comes into the world with a unique biology, set of skills and talents. Anyone who has raised a child knows it’s all there right from the beginning. Under the age of five, children tend to be spontaneous and genuine, moving through the world with a natural sense of curiosity and self-expression. Young children tend to be fully present in the moment, expressing their emotions as they surface from an authentic inner space. You can always tell what is going on inside of young children. If they are feeling happy, they exude delight. If they are feeling curious, they are all about exploration and comprehension. If they are angry, they erupt in the moment and then settle down. If they are feeling loving and loved, they exhibit the pure expression of love, hugging a person or even a tree.

And then, something happens.  Past the age of five (or sometimes even sooner), natural expression goes underground. Or, as my son so wisely observed many years ago: “the world gets to them.” External comparison and judgement moves into their inner space and crowds out authenticity. Some of this is necessary in order to build cultural and societal values and integrity, however, some of this is about conforming to significant others’ beliefs about who they should and need to be. The loss of authenticity is a double loss. It’s impossible to fully develop and manifest your gifts in the world when these gifts are constantly repressed. The psychic energy required for this type of repression results in a loss of vitality and wellbeing. Additionally, your failure to be authentic deprives the world of your unique skills, mindsets, vision, way of being in the world and potential legacies. What one action step can you take today to express your authentic self?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Emerging
Kindness
Gratitude

Planting Seeds for the Future

Planting Seeds for the Future by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.”

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Every action that you take or conversation that you engage in has a ripple impact out into the world, mostly in unanticipated ways. In fact, there is an area of study concerning unanticipated consequences devoted to this phenomenon. Although this study concentration is primarily focused on negative consequences, I propose that it is equally likely for your actions and words to set positive future consequences into motion. I find this likelihood to be both comforting and filled with tremendous responsibility, as well as comprised of the need for self-awareness, intention, trust, faith and patience. Let me explain……

As a psychologist, my work with individuals and organizations predominantly focuses on articulating an aspirational vision and generating viable strategies, systems, structures, skills and mindsets to reach this vision. As a graduate school professor, my work focuses on imparting an optimal blend of theory, practice, skills and mindsets. In all of my professional roles, I work from a place of passion, dedication, knowledge and experience. With the wisdom that time and experience provides, I have come to realize that I ultimately work from a place of trust, faith and patience. I trust in the motivation, integrity and native intelligence of my students and clients. I have faith that the seeds that I plant will blossom with time, intention, action and experience and that what I have to offer is “good enough” to facilitate this eventual blossoming. I have patience, derived from the experience and belief that one’s unfolding ensues over time.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you are continually planting seeds of wisdom, faith, trust and inspiration in others, seeds that organically and miraculously take root and grow in unexpected ways. What seeds will you plant today?

Janet

For additional insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Slow Time

Emerging

Shifting From Knowledge to Wisdom

Starting Points

Starting Points by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”  ~ Nido Qubein

Choosing to embody a starting point life perspective is strategic and empowering on multiple levels.  Through this perspective, every moment presents an opportunity to embrace a new starting point and current circumstances provide critical data for advancing toward your goals.  This perspective, when intentionally embraced, provides the nourishment for reflection, creativity and growth. As you intentionally shift your personal narrative regarding loss, failure and opportunity, even a perceived failure can be viewed as a starting point to a different way of being in the world. Starting points are the perfect time to reflect on the past, distinguish the status quo, envision a satisfying future and identify the requisite skills and resources to generate your desired future.  When approached through a starting point mindset, these times are also motivational and aspirational points, a time when the past informs but doesn’t have to dictate the future. A starting point mindset reveals personal and situational potential, inner and outer resources and facilitates shifting the impossible into the possible. Where in your life would adopting a starting point perspective generate opportunity and forward momentum?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Learn Something New

Breakdown to Breakthrough 

Doing and Being

Excellence and Habits

Excellence and Habits by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”  ~ Aristotle

Excellence requires an optimal combination of desire, motivation, commitment and action. Most importantly, excellence requires repetition for a specified period of time in order to shift a desire into a habit.  Brain research has shown that it takes approximately thirty days of repetition for the brain to develop a new neuropathway for a specific behavior; it takes even longer to dismantle pathways once a habit is established. This reality helps explain why old habits that no longer serve you take time to dissipate and eventually disappear. What you can do to build positive habits is engage in specific repetitive behaviors that lead to the development of neuropathways that align with your highest values and vison. Matt Cutts, in his brief TED Talk, “Try Something New for 30 Days,” provides excellent details regarding the development of excellence through generating new habits. I invite you to invest in yourself through watching Matt’s talk and committing to a 30 day challenge. You have much to gain and nothing to lose, except perhaps a way of being that no longer suits you.

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Should, Could, Accomplish

Thinking Small for Big Results

Problem Solving

Problem Solving by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it."     

~ Albert Einstein

Many people think that the more effort you put into solving a problem, the faster you will come up with a solution. Ironically, the exact opposite is true. Sometimes, too much of the wrong type of effort serves to take you away from, rather than toward, your solution.  Additionally, taking this approach results in increased frustration and exhaustion. So, what’s the solution to solving a problem when it’s clear that what you’re doing isn’t working? The resolution begins via creating a transition space for a different type of consciousness to emerge. Albert Einstein often facilitated this by taking a nap when he reached a problem solving roadblock. Others do this by meditating, taking a walk, listening to music, reading, cooking or engaging in anything that provides a space between the old and not effective effort and the potential solution. The advantage of stepping into this practice when you’re feeling stuck around generating a solution is that you ultimately wind up working smarter instead of working harder. Try it the next time you are faced with a challenging and seemingly unsolvable problem and notice how different your experience is. Notice how creating a transition space for a different level of consciousness to arise, elegantly leads to your solution.  

Janet

For additional insights, check out the following posts:

Breakdown to Breakthrough

Doing and Being

Forcing vs. Unfolding

Hindsight vs. Kindness

Hindsight vs. Kindness by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead and asking, ‘What was I thinking,” breathe and ask yourself the kinder question, “What was I learning?’”  ~ Karen Salmansohn

Ruminating about past actions appears to be a popular activity, one that frequently leads to increased anxiety, negative self-judgement and diminished self-esteem. Imagine how different your experience of yourself and your potential would be if instead of beating yourself up, you developed the habit of evaluating the past from an attitude of appreciation, kindness, curiosity and wisdom. You could view your past through the filter of kindness, affection and appreciation for the person that you were with the coping resources you possessed at that moment in time. You would understand that if you could have done better at the time, you would have. This approach does NOT let you off the hook for past actions; it serves to allow you to accept your limitations at the time and take action to make amends for your less than desirable actions. You can be curious regarding what you were thinking at the time and generate alternative behaviors should you be faced with a similar situation in the future. You can also visualize yourself responding differently with the wisdom gleaned from your experience, mistakes and intentional reparations. Taking on this mindset would directly facilitate what Karen Salmansohn refers to as “kindsight.” This kinder approach is both freeing and growth enhancing and has a positive ripple impact in your life and out into the world.

Janet

For additional insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Forgiveness and Freedom

Getting to Essence 

Defining Moments 

Knowing When to Quit

Knowing When to Quit  by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength. We walk away, not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.”  ~ Robert Tew

If you came of age within the last 30-40 years, you most likely were raised with some version of the philosophy: quitters never win and winners never quit. Embodying this attitude results in experiencing quitting as a sign of failure - an action reserved for the weak, unskilled and unmotivated. You’ve probably even heard numerous media stories regarding perseverance leading to success. These types of stories take on an almost mystical quality, coupled with a dire warning regarding the cost of quitting; what they fail to consider are the potential gains.

I propose that quitting is a highly underrated undertaking. There are times in your life where the decision to quit is ultimately a highly strategic and empowering choice, one that can lead to a myriad of potential gains. These rewards directly result from self-awareness, inner strength and a commitment to creating the life you want to live. Not quitting, when you know that a situation, job or relationship is not working out, is generated out of fear of change and the unknown and a lack of faith and trust in the world and yourself. Removing yourself from a destructive situation provides essential space for new opportunities and challenges more aligned with your passion, skills and values to enter your life.

I am not advocating quitting each time the going gets rough and you feel extremely challenged, depleted or tempted to withdraw from a professional or personal setback. What I am recommending is that you utilize these times to evaluate your options from an alternative perspective. Specifically, when you are feeling drawn to quitting, consider whether doing so is in service of your highest values and overall goals? If the answer is yes, then the next step is to work out a viable strategic plan to do so; generate a plan that honors you and empowers you to withdraw with integrity.

Quitting a toxic situation or one you have outgrown is an act of courage, strength, wisdom and faith in yourself. Where in your life might the choice to quit serve to move you forward toward a life more aligned with your passion, skills and gifts?

Janet

For related post, check out the following links:

Courage Revisited

Defining Moments

Revitalizing Relationships

Revitalizing Relationships by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

~ Sam Keen

The key to building successful long-term loving relationships is developing the habit of going back to the beginning. Let me explain…... Loving relationships commence with the phenomenon of limerence, commonly known as infatuation. This relationship stage is accompanied by intense psychological and physiological symptoms. A significant shift in your hormone levels occurs leading to both physical and psychological attraction, along with feelings of being magnetically drawn to the other person. This stage is also characterized by the idealization of the other person; you tend to experience their words and actions as endearing.

The infatuation stage, however, is a temporary one that gradually fades over time. As the fading occurs, many of the qualities that were initially appealing become irritating. Although the qualities remain the same, your responses and meaning you attach to the qualities changes. Many couples separate in the immediate post-limerence time period. The real work of deepening a relationship and developing a romantic friendship takes place as infatuation ends. Couples who commit to moving beyond the infatuation stage will experience the many benefits inherent in a long-term relationship. What empowers them to deepen their relationship is choosing to develop the habit of returning to the beginning. The process of returning to the beginning reminds you of your partner’s initial appeal and attraction. Intentionally developing this habit also serves to elicit your initial infatuation responses, along with the strengthening of your ability to experience each other as imperfectly perfect.

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Defining Moments

Getting to Essence

Present Moment Advantage

Present Moment Advantage by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

~ Lao Tzu

Living in the present moment is a learned skill providing many advantages; it’s also an ongoing process that serves to keep you connected with your most treasured values and life goals. Living in the past keeps your emotions, thoughts and mindsets from past occurrences alive in the present. This would be amazing if most significant past experiences were positive ones. Unfortunately, when remembered past occurrences are particularly traumatic or distressing, you’re essentially reinforcing a life narrative that fails to serve you well in your present life. Similarly, when you tend to focus on an imagined negative future, you generate fear-based emotions and depressing life narratives that increase your anxiety and feelings of hopelessness and decrease your sense of influence over your future.  Since the future is unknowable, you are sacrificing your present sense of well-being and resourcefulness for a feared unknowable outcome. My dear friend Sue calls this phenomenon, “paying interest on the future.”

Present-based living is an ongoing process, requiring intention, commitment and perseverance. As it’s in your human nature to be periodically pulled into the past and anxious about the future, how can you avoid this type of influence? The most critical skill to strengthen as a means to diminish this natural force is self-awareness; begin to observe, without self-judgement, when you are focused on a negative past narrative or generating a depressing or anxiety producing future narrative. The mere act of consistently noticing this pull will shift your energy around the past and future, while gradually increasing the requisite internal resources to combat negative past- and future-based narratives. Asking yourself what you can learn from the past and what you want to create for the future will continue to shift your focus and motivation. Although you can’t change the past – the facts are the facts – you can intentionally learn from the past about what you do and don’t want to bring forward, what you want to generate for your future and what you want to avoid or eliminate in your life. You can utilize your answers from these types of questions to envision a desirable future and generate action steps and strategies in the present that organically lead to your future vision.

Janet

For additional insights and strategies, check out the following links:

Thinking Small for Big Results 

Are Your SMART Goals Smart Enough? 

Reality TV Wisdom

Everything Matters

Everything Matters by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Live your life as though every act were to become a universal law.”

~ Henry David Thoreau

Everything that you do and say impacts your world with unanticipated and unexpected effects. A random comment or observation spontaneously uttered in even the most casual encounter could be the exact words that the other person needed to hear and you needed to say at that precise moment in time. Or, your words, uttered quite innocently could be offensive or destructive. Everything matters. As you intentionally foster the habit of paying attention to your interactions and actions, you will begin to notice the impact of your words and actions; your self- and other-awareness will expand exponentially. Truly knowing and experiencing that everything matters is simultaneously miraculous and unnerving in terms of personal responsibility.

Imagine what might be possible if you chose to shift your thinking to align with the Thoreau quote at the beginning of this post? Taking on Thoreau’s philosophy would result in the consistent employment of words and actions that align with your most cherished values? Consider the ripple impact of this way of being in the world, as well as the potential for positive change. Your words, actions and thoughts matter greatly to yourself and others.

Janet

I invite you to consider the insights and observations from the following posts:

Courage Revisited 

Defining Moments

Questions and Answers

Paradox of Change

Paradox of Change by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

~ Socrates

Change Process

Change is the only constant in life. Everyone has their characteristic pattern of working with change – some actively embrace and seek out change and some tend to deny or resist change in an attempt to maintain the status quo. I tend to have an ambivalent relationship with change; although I inevitably appreciate the results on the other side of change, the journey itself can be quite challenging.
Change can be internally or externally generated in most any life arena. Even when you choose to make a change in your life – work, relationships, residence, etc. – the process is often surprisingly challenging. Internally generated change can include taking on a new role, relationship, status, skill or mindset. Externally generated change, also known as "stuff happens," is generated from someone or something outside of yourself.

Change Elements

Change incorporates elements of the past, present and future. Though your past might not have been ideal, it was all that you knew at the time. Once the change process is set in motion, your initial experience is that of living between worlds. Your old world or way of being in the world no longer works and you are not yet ensconced in the new. This space between the past and the future often feels disorienting, illogical, unnatural, surreal and highly uncomfortable. The good news is that this transition space is a temporary one. Although you might feel stuck and unmotivated, a lot is happening internally to prepare you for your new reality on the other side of change.

When you’re in the between place inherent in the change process , seeking out and engaging support from friends, family and trusted others will significantly ease your journey to the other side of the change. Through your intention, actions and faith in getting through the challenge of change, you can create a bridge from the old to the new via taking actions that move you forward. When you're able to mobilize your trust to take the next step, subsequent next steps tend to miraculously unfold. 

Although moving through change can feel a bit daunting at times, it’s definitely worth the effort. What is your characteristic approach to change?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Learn Something New
Embracing "Good Enough"
Doing and Being