Choose Wisely

by Janet M. Shlaes, PhD

Your current reality results from your prior choices. Every day, you are faced with a myriad of choices, from comparatively “simple” ones regarding self-expression, where to live and work, money and relationships, to the more complex ones regarding ethics and morality. What many often fail to realize is that seemingly simple choices turn out to be significant life altering ones in the long-run.

If you are like most individuals, many of your life choices tend to be more reactive than proactive. Do you usually make decisions guided by self-awareness, intention, values and principles? Or, do you often make “decisions by default,” via not choosing anything or following the path of least resistance? Not making a decision often releases unanticipated and often unwanted outcomes. Most “decisions by default” result from fear, fear of the unknown, what others will think or feel, or fear of undesired consequences.

Although it may initially seem easier to reactively choose, you may wind up with someone else’s version of who you should be and what you should do. Consciously choosing requires courage and faith – the courage to mindfully act from your highest values and faith that things will work out in the long-run.

Your current reality results from your prior choices. What will you choose today? What future reality will you set into motion today?

Janet

For related posts, check out the following links:

Kindness

Gratitude

Forgiveness and Emotional Intelligence

by Janet Shlaes, PhD

Choosing forgiveness embodies the essence of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It requires self-, other- and social-awareness, as well as the capacity to move beyond one’s present emotions to a more expansive state. Forgiveness, although often quite challenging, is a gift that you give to yourself - a gift that momentarily releases you from the past. The act of forgiveness requires letting go of something – a sense of injustice, disappointment, rage, perspective, desire, expectation, vision and/or hope. Forgiveness requires moving beyond what should have been to a place of coexisting with what occurred. This does not in any way suggest that you should agree with, condone or appreciate the action or situation that calls for your forgiveness, especially when faced with objectively dreadful situations that are out of your control and understanding.

Forgiveness is about taking back your power. The biggest misconception regarding forgiveness is that it’s a one-time endeavor – you simply forgive and the offending injustice is over. Quite the contrary. Forgiveness is an ongoing endeavor. You choose to engage in the act of forgiveness when the emotional charge from a past wrong invades your current reality. Unless you intentionally choose to forgive and momentarily let go of the past, your precious life force will be utilized in keeping the past alive.  Forgiveness is about freedom, focusing on what truly matters and stepping into the energy of courage and strength. According the Gandhi, “Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Would you rather be right or happy? Forgiveness is about choosing to be happy. What will you choose?

Janet

For additional commentaries to ponder, I invite you to browse the following links:

Optimal Performance Fundamentals

Courage Revisited

Defining Moments

The Road to Happiness: Three Essential Skills

The Road to Happiness: Three Essential Skills

by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

People who tend to be happy live intentionally with regard to three core happiness skills. They understand that happiness is a choice, rather than a birthright and are committed to practicing these skills on a daily basis. They know exactly what they want, what constitutes their unique version of happiness and are proactive in their happiness journey. Happy people appreciate that happiness is a daily endeavor, rather than a absolute destination. Employing the three essential happiness skills detailed below can empower you to live a life of purpose, direction, passion and authentic happiness.

Self-awareness:

What makes you happy? On the surface, this seems like a simple question, however, getting to the heart of this question can be quite challenging for most. Why? Getting to the core of what makes you happy requires moving beyond externally generated messages regarding the “shoulds” of happiness and moving to a deeper level of awareness. Authentically answering this question requires honesty, courage and vulnerability. Your answer will greatly inform you about your deepest values, needs and motivators. It may also require letting go of people, possessions and circumstances that don’t align with your unique happiness narrative.

Commitment:

What are you willing to commit to as a means to bringing more happiness into your life? Once you have a working knowledge of your particular version of happiness, commitment enters the picture. Being fully committed to doing whatever it takes to create a fulfilling values-based life provides the requisite motivation and sustenance to move through any challenges that present on your journey. Commitment is rarely a one-time act; it requires returning to the primary question of what makes you happy and periodically reconnecting with your commitment to living a life of meaning and passion.

Self-care:

The skill of self-care is often the most difficult one to embrace; for some it feels selfish to focus on self-care when they have others to think of. Consider, however, the familiar instructions on airplanes where we are asked to put on our own oxygen mask and then take care of our loved ones. What if your happiness directly served to enhance the lives of those you care about? Your level of happiness positively impacts your relationships on a personal and professional basis. I’m not suggesting a life of pure self-focus at the expense of others, however, a lack of self-care will not serve anyone. Self-care is not a one size fits all feat. For some, self-care may include a healthy lifestyle via exercise or diet. For others it may involve hobbies, socializing, being in nature, reading, etc. What matters is that your approach to self-care provides positive benefits to you and others in your personal and professional lives.

Happiness is a choice and a life-long endeavor requiring self-awareness, commitment to doing whatever it takes and intentionality with regard to self-care. What is your unique version of happiness? What are you willing to do to bring more happiness into your life?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

If You're Asking the Question

Are Your SMART Goals Smart Enough?

Quitting

Knowing When to Quit

Knowing When to Quit  by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength. We walk away, not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.”  ~ Robert Tew

If you came of age within the last 30-40 years, you most likely were raised with some version of the philosophy: quitters never win and winners never quit. Embodying this attitude results in experiencing quitting as a sign of failure - an action reserved for the weak, unskilled and unmotivated. You’ve probably even heard numerous media stories regarding perseverance leading to success. These types of stories take on an almost mystical quality, coupled with a dire warning regarding the cost of quitting; what they fail to consider are the potential gains.

I propose that quitting is a highly underrated undertaking. There are times in your life where the decision to quit is ultimately a highly strategic and empowering choice, one that can lead to a myriad of potential gains. These rewards directly result from self-awareness, inner strength and a commitment to creating the life you want to live. Not quitting, when you know that a situation, job or relationship is not working out, is generated out of fear of change and the unknown and a lack of faith and trust in the world and yourself. Removing yourself from a destructive situation provides essential space for new opportunities and challenges more aligned with your passion, skills and values to enter your life.

I am not advocating quitting each time the going gets rough and you feel extremely challenged, depleted or tempted to withdraw from a professional or personal setback. What I am recommending is that you utilize these times to evaluate your options from an alternative perspective. Specifically, when you are feeling drawn to quitting, consider whether doing so is in service of your highest values and overall goals? If the answer is yes, then the next step is to work out a viable strategic plan to do so; generate a plan that honors you and empowers you to withdraw with integrity.

Quitting a toxic situation or one you have outgrown is an act of courage, strength, wisdom and faith in yourself. Where in your life might the choice to quit serve to move you forward toward a life more aligned with your passion, skills and gifts?

Janet

For related post, check out the following links:

Courage Revisited

Defining Moments

Choose to Forgive

Choose to Forgive

by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

~ Gandhi

Forgiveness is a highly challenging and emotional undertaking. It’s so easy to forget that the act of forgiveness is both a choice and a gift that you give to yourself. Each time you choose to forgive, this choice releases you from a past hurt, injustice or trauma. The act of forgiveness requires letting go of something – fairness, disappointment, rage, sadness, perspective, desire, expectation, vision and/or hope. Forgiveness requires moving beyond what should have been to a place of accepting what is. This does not in any way propose that you should agree with, condone, take responsibility for or like the situation that calls for your forgiveness; objectively, contemptable things happen in this world that are out of your causality, control and understanding.

What you may not be aware of is that forgiveness is ultimately about choosing to be happy; it’s also about choosing to take back your personal power. The biggest misconception regarding forgiveness is that it’s a one-time endeavor, that you simply forgive and the offending injustice is over. Quite the contrary. Forgiveness is an ongoing process. You consciously choose to engage in forgiveness whenever the emotional charge of a past hurt, trauma or injustice invades your present world. As you intentionally choose to forgive the past, you can utilize your precious life force to move forward and build a gratifying future.  Forgiveness is ultimately about freedom, focusing on what truly matters and stepping into the power of courage and strength.

Forgiveness is about choosing to be happy over being right. Which one will you choose?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, I invite you to check out the following posts:

Optimal Performance Fundamentals

Courage Revisited

Defining Moments

Risk and Transformation

Risk and Transformation

by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

~ Anais Nin

Many years ago when I was teaching a life-planning class, one of my students shared his motivation for making and taking action on a huge life decision. He simply stated that he made his life-altering decision when it felt riskier to perpetuate the status quo than to change. His new course of action felt quite scary to him and would for a period of time, however, it also felt exciting and freeing. Change is like that. You endure the pain inherent in the change process to create a future self that aligns with your highest values.

Transformation is a process that takes place over time. You initially experience the inner stirrings of dissatisfaction with your current state of being in the world. Although your current reality may not feel so great, in some strange way, it feels “normal.”  With time, the stirrings, or whispers, become shouts that can no longer be ignored. That’s when it suddenly feels risker and more painful to “remain tight in a bud,” than it does to “blossom.” Although this shift in perception and action may seem to appear out of nowhere, it’s a process that honors your inner timing. I’ve experienced many transformations over time and imagine that you have as well. I find these shifts to simultaneously contain elements of hope, fear, surprise, excitement, engagement, faith and elegance. What about you?

Janet

For additional insights and observations, I invite you to check out the following links:

 Busy is a Decision

Letting Go of What is No Longer Needed

Playing the Hand You're Dealt

Pay Attention

Pay Attention

by Janet Shlaes, Ph.D.

“When you really pay attention, everything is your teacher.”

~ Ezra Bayda

As someone who is passionate about learning, I am increasingly aware that, when I am fully present, learning opportunities abound. They exist in my ever changing mood and energy level, in every book or article that I read and in every interpersonal encounter. Some learning opportunities are pleasant, especially when they involve getting to the heart and soul of someone; others are particularly challenging and sometimes painful, primarily encounters that trigger old wounds. With the wisdom gained from journeying through many life experiences, I have learned that in every encounter, there is a choice – to stay stuck in the past or to embrace the learning opportunity unfolding in the present.  I have found that this approach, although not always such an easy one, is definitely worth the effort. I invite you to join me in paying attention, to being fully present in each encounter and to embracing a lifestyle of lifelong learning. Where in your life could this approach make a significant difference?

Janet

Starting Points

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.  ~ Nido Qubein

It’s a funny thing about starting points. Depending on your point of view and sense of efficacy in the moment, a common tendency is to view starting points from a place of possibility and adventure or confrontation, challenge and setback. In reality, starting points are merely data points in time; they make up a small piece of our personal life-narrative, rather than the whole story. Shifting your perspective around starting points to data points in time becomes possible once you’re connected and committed to a vision of where you want to wind up post-starting point. Committing to writing my Transformational Communication Blog in 2013 was a starting point for me. I chose and committed to writing it as a means to improve my communication skills, as well as play with the constructs and insights that grabbed hold of me and wouldn’t let go. I love to learn and play with ideas, share experiences with others, enhance learning, self-awareness, self-efficacy and professional/personal/organizational growth. Initiating the blog was challenging on a variety of levels as starting points often are. Depending on where I was in various life arenas, following through on writing and posting felt engaging, energizing, exciting or exceptionally difficult. What stayed consistent, throughout the years is my vision and commitment to carrying out my vision for communication. What I discovered over time is that the journey is also the outcome of my vision. I began my blog with a 30 day challenge of posting for 30 consecutive days and chose to reenergize myself over the past 30 days with another 30 day posting challenge. Today marks day 30 of this current challenge. It is both an ending point and the beginning of a starting point for other 30 day challenges.

How do you view the various starting points that you’ve experienced? How might shifting your approach to starting points facilitate your generating and engaging in a vision that calls to you? What 30 day challenge might you commit to?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, I invite you to check out the following posts:

Learn Something New

Embracing "Good Enough"

Working with Reality

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.”

~ Jack London

Life regularly presents us with a myriad of what I refer to as “opportunities for growth.” These situations are often greatly challenging, forcing us to make choices regarding our values, mindset, relationships and actions. When a dear friend was facing a particularly dreadful life challenge. I found her response extremely wise and inspirational, a perfect blend of strength, wisdom and the skill of embracing the inherent ambiguity in life.

When I inquired one day about how she was doing, her response was simply: “All I can do is play the hand I’ve been dealt.” Ultimately, that’s all we can ever do in any situation.  This does not mean that we shift into a victim type mode, passively allowing the situation to play itself out. Playing the hand you’re dealt, involves recognizing and fully utilizing your available resources to work within the parameters of your situation. It means engaging others as advocates and allies when needed, gathering relevant information, having a clear outcome vision in mind, doing what is in your power to do and then letting go of attachment to the outcome. Playing the hand you’re dealt also means being fully present in each moment and focusing on one step at a time.

Here’s to strategically playing the hands we’re dealt and to our collective growth and freedom!
 
Janet

For additional observations and insights, check out the following posts:

Defining Moments

Optimal Performance Fundamentals  

Courage Revisited   

Getting Started

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

~ Mark Twain

Have you ever agreed to take on a project that seemed like a good idea at the time and then felt impossible to accomplish? Getting started may have felt impossible for several reasons: the project or goal seemed too big to achieve, you lacked the requisite resources and you had no sense of where to begin. Writing my doctoral dissertation initially felt overwhelming, a common experience for graduate students when considering the 50+ percent of individuals who wind up with an ABD (all but dissertation) status. What distinguishes those who finish from those who don’t is not about intelligence; the difference that makes the difference is about process. With expert mentoring from my department chair, I quickly learned to move through my dissertation year one step at a time. The whole project felt beyond my capabilities, but each of the five stages we mapped out seemed both challenging and entirely doable. Accomplishing each stage provided the space to step back, feel good about my accomplishment and regroup for the next stage. Over the course of the year, each successive stage was made possible through the skills and confidence gained from the previous stage. The year flew by rapidly and organically; I was surprised looking back over that year at how much I actually enjoyed the entire process.

How do you accomplish a mammoth goal? You approach it like the solution to the question: “How do you eat an elephant?” The answer to the question is: “one small bite at a time.” What one small step can you take today toward reaching a desired goal?

Janet

For additional insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Thinking Small for Big Results

Are Your SMART Goals Smart Enough?

Make a Difference

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.”  ~ William James

Everything you say or do has the potential for making a positive difference in someone’s life. Making a difference doesn’t have to take place on a grand or elaborate scale. You can start right now from exactly where you are with what you have. You don’t have to possess expansive financial, personal or time resources to make a difference. Each encounter is an opportunity to positively impact someone’s life and the lives that person comes in contact with. Acknowledge someone with a smile or greeting or engage in a spontaneous conversation; help someone carrying packages; invite someone to go ahead of you when waiting for service; assist a co-worker or neighbor; express your gratitude to someone via phone, email or text.

Generating intentional acts of kindness, friendliness, compassion, recognition and support serve to enhance our personal wellbeing, as well as that of the recipient. Develop the habit of intentional acts of kindness, choose your words carefully and deliberately seek out qualities in others to recognize and appreciate. Every interaction is an opportunity to intentionally choose to speak and act in a manner that honors others and yourself.

Janet

For additional insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Thinking Small for Big Results

Doing and Being

Beyond Your Comfort Zone

 

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“The best things happen at the exit ramp of your comfort zone.”

Comfort zones encompass a variety of qualities depending on where you are in your life. At various times they can be seductive, soothing, restorative and sometimes detrimental. Everyone has their unique comfort zone set-point, based on a blend of personality, life, financial, relationship and biological factors. Sometimes, being in your comfort zone is exactly what is needed; it provides the requisite sanctuary to heal, replenish resources or integrate life lessons and experiences. There can be a dark side, however, to continually staying in your comfort zone; it inhibits growth and consumes vast quantities of psychic energy in an attempt to maintain the status quo.

I greatly appreciate and have learned to receive the inherent gifts in comfort zone respites and am committed to regularly moving beyond my comfort and competence zones. I find that jumping into learning and life adventures way beyond my skill level at the time has resulted in expansion and enjoyment. Moving beyond comfort can be challenging, frightening, painful and entirely worth it. Once I get past the “OMG, why did I think this was a good idea” moment and the fear of being immersed in the unknown, something miraculous tends to unfold. The fear usually dissipates pretty quickly and I rapidly learn new skills and connect with formerly hidden strengths. I also wind up having some delicious adventures and meet kindred spirits in the most unusual places.

Consider the possibilities beyond your comfort zone. What one step could you take today to expand your current comfort zone?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Thinking Small for Big Results

Courage Revisited   

Defining Moments

Planning

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”  ~ Joseph Campbell

Planning, an essential life skill, often turns out to be a seductive and comforting illusion. I’m not referring to critical planning that serves to generate a career- and life-vision, viable outcome goals, a strategic path and the requisite systems and support structures. In many domains, planning is essential; it provides essential functions and decreases the likelihood of failure and unnecessary chaos. The illusion I refer to is the sense that generating a plan also provides a guaranteed relatively stress free outcome. I propose that sometimes plans that fail to work out as desired can lead to something even better.

Looking back on many of my life and career plans, I am extremely grateful that they often went off course in unexpected ways. The missed flight, botched interview, relationship that fell apart, wrong turns (literally and figuratively) and chance encounters provided experiences, adventures and outcomes well beyond my planning mindset at the time. With the wisdom of hindsight, every “off track” experience ultimately led to something far better suited for me than the original plan. Over time, I learned that optimal planning results from a blend of vision, strategy, commitment, flexibility, resilience and openness to embrace the potential gifts in “off track” encounters.

 

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Learn Something New

Breakdown to Breakthrough

Letting Go of What is No Longer Needed

Questions and Answers

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.”  ~ James Thurber

I used to think that wisdom resulted from expertise – knowing all the answers about a particular topic. I discovered over time that I was wrong. Authentic wisdom is not an end point; it’s a beginning - a way of being in the world that requires a Zen type of beginner’s mind, along with the willingness to embrace compelling life questions. A beginner’s mind approach recognizes and appreciates life’s many unanswered questions; it encourages living into your personal questions with courage, openness, curiosity, innocence and a sense of playfulness.  A beginner’s mind attitude requires intention, patience and the capacity to sit with ambiguity and embrace the unknown. Personally, I think it’s worth the occasional confusion and discomfort. Choosing to embrace a beginner’s mind often results in a very interesting life, many unexpected twists and turns, some surprising challenges, relationships, delights and enjoyable adventures. Questions are everywhere and definitive answers are rare. What compelling life questions will you choose to live into?

Janet

For additional thoughts and insights, consider the following posts:

Learn Something New

Doing and Being

   

 

Fear and Growth

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”  ~ Abraham Maslow

When life gets challenging, do you lean toward avoiding fear or embracing growth? Choosing to avoid fear keeps you trapped in the illusion of the safety of the status quo; it also consumes your precious life energy. Choosing growth facilitates the expansion of both your comfort and competence zones. Committing to growth requires a willingness to embrace and move through fear and the normal discomfort of the unknown. Choosing to recognize, embrace and move through fear is a prerequisite for your ongoing evolution in all life arenas. When I was much younger, I was often inclined to take what at the time seemed like the safe route. With the wisdom of experience and time, I came to discover that embracing what appeared to be the riskier route consistently led to wonderful adventures, discoveries, relationships, skill development and positive results beyond my imagination. I learned that all I needed to do was shift my perception of risk and fear from the entire picture to that of a few of the variables in the data set of my current reality. I invite you to try on embracing growth and the gifts that can be gained from moving through unrealistic fears. I invite you to embrace the words of Eleanor Roosevelt and “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following post:

Defining Moments

Optimal Performance Fundamentals   

Courage Revisited   

 

 

Change – from Caterpillar to Chrysalis to Butterfly

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”  ~ Maya Angelou

How do you move through the inevitable changes in your life? In the best of circumstances, change is challenging on a variety of levels. Even when change is most welcome, it often facilitates a sense of disorientation – of being in a place between the past and the future. The old no longer fits and you haven’t quite entered the new. To me, the change that occurs from caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly provides the perfect illustration of the change process. Something shifts deep within the caterpillar that compels it to generate a cocoon, a protective resting place, and the change process is officially set into motion. The cocoon provides a respite from the life of being a caterpillar, as well as a between place for the true magic of transformation to take place. Deep within the chrysalis, the elements of the caterpillar are broken down into their basic elements and reconfigured into a new form. When the transformation process is complete, the butterfly emerges from the chrysalis and soon takes flight. The very same core elements that comprised the caterpillar are still present within the butterfly; the new configuration enables the butterfly to have a very different life from its former one.

As ever changing humans in a dynamic world, we are compelled to change via both internal and external factors. Once our change is set into motion, it’s critical to provide the space to be with our change during the between space of the old and the new. It’s takes a bit of time to move through  change and fully shift into a new form and way of being in our post-change world. The discomfort and disorientation inherent in the change process ultimately facilitates our capacity to fully embrace the new – until the next round of change begins.

Each of us has a unique approach to moving through the change process. What is yours?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:  

Learn Something New

Embracing "Good Enough"

Breakdown to Breakthrough

Authentic Success

 

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“Success is like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you are tired – you quit when the gorilla is tired.  ~ Robert Strauss

Authentic success is a personal experience, derived from achieving something that is both personally meaningful and aligns with your core values. Non-authentic success, derived from the accomplishment of something motivated by external factors can feel meaningless and empty. Authentic success often results after a struggle with both internal and external factors. I have found that authentic success is worth the struggle that comes before the result. Most people will end their struggle when feeling the inherent exhaustion in the challenge; this profound feeling of fatigue can be quite seductive in terms of ending the pursuit of a goal.  This is the exact moment when you need to revisit your initial motivation and recommit to your goal. When I am faced with the inherent exhaustion of “wrestling a gorilla,” I have learned, over time and with experience, to step back for a moment to reconnect with my original motivation and recommit to the task at hand. I will actually ask myself: “Am I still committed to this goal?” The answer is usually “YES!” Somehow, this very simple question serves to elicit the requisite energy to move forward.

What do you tend to do when you experience exhaustion in pursuit of a goal? What question or action could serve to provide you with the inner resources to move forward?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Defining Moments

Optimal Performance Fundamentals   

Courage Revisited   

Perception, Failure and Growth

 

 

by Janet M. Shlaes, Ph.D.

“What we perceive as a failure may simply be our inner being’s way of telling us that we are ready to move to a new level of growth.   ~ Anne Wilson Schaef

There is a reciprocal relationship between our perceptual filters and our experience in the world. This relationship evolves over time as we collect experiences in various life arenas. The word “failure” is highly emotionally charged, overflowing with meaning that primarily serves to facilitate our feeling bad about a situation and ultimately ourselves. And yet, for most of us, our experience of “failure” is exactly what is needed to facilitate a quantum leap in our self-awareness, understanding of the world, skill development and psychological growth. With time, distance and a shift in perspective, an experience that we previously labeled as a "failure" often turns out to be the exact situation leading to where we needed to be. How different would your experience of failure be if you were able to shift your perspective around it? What if you were able to speculate about what you could potentially gain from a “failure” in terms of clarity, self-awareness, wisdom and growth? With the wisdom provided by hindsight reflection, many events that I considered to be failures at the time they occurred turned out to directly lead to success. The situation I perceived as falling apart, served to shift me in ways that facilitated my professional and personal growth. With time and a shift in perception, the “failure” turned out to be a wonderful gift.

What is your relationship with “failure” and how might a shift in perception potentially lead to your growth and evolution?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Are Your SMART Goals Smart Enough?
Quitting
Breakdown to Breakthrough

 

Costs & Benefits of Planning

by Janet M. Shlaes

Is your characteristic style of planning and moving through the world aligned with your highest values? Your answer to this vital question will change depending on your current life and career development stage. I used to plan everything out - strategically, structurally and logistically - from the meta-vision down to every minute detail. I knew exactly what I wanted, what it would look like and the timing of results. I even produced detailed spreadsheets to document, manage and track the implementation processes. This exceedingly thorough (and sometimes obsessive) approach was vastly productive in terms of results and ROI; the upfront investment of visioning and tactical planning time significantly reduced the likelihood of disaster and led to consistent next level results. Even my vacations were planned out in a similar manner to ensure a predictable outcome.

Unexpectedly, as I moved along my career/life path, consistently accomplishing many of my envisioned goals, something happened. I increasingly experienced the costs of this highly structured approach in terms of values conflicts and a lack of spontaneity, coupled with a deficit in the element of play. As I evolved, my desire to move beyond the predictable benefits of working/living inside the boundaries of the structured spreadsheet box exponentially increased. To be honest, this evolution was more than a tad scary at first; the benefits of this new approach have been beyond amazing and worth the initial fear. Opening myself up to the benefits of empty spaces and embracing the unknown has led me to travel, learning and professional opportunities/adventures beyond what I could ever have envisioned just utilizing my rational mind. Although our highest values remain consistent across time, their place in our values hierarchy tends to change as we grow and develop personally and professionally. This warrants a periodic visit to our values hierarchy and the need to assess whether our actions are currently aligned with what we hold most dear in life.

Is your characteristic style of planning and moving through the world aligned with your highest values? If not, what one action step can you take today to align your goals with your highest values?

Janet

For addition insights and observations, check out the following posts:

Embracing "Good Enough"

Thinking Small for Big Results

Playing the Hand You’re Dealt

by Janet M. Shlaes

 

As we move through our lives, we are regularly faced with a myriad of what I refer to as “opportunities for growth.” These "opportunities," although often highly challenging, force us to make choices regarding our values, mindset, relationships and actions. Currently, a dear friend is facing one of these challenges, one in which it would be perfectly understandable to feel immobilized. I found my friend's response to be extremely wise and inspirational, exemplifying the inherent ambiguity in living a fully engaged life. When faced with this immediate challenge, my dear friend responded: “All I can do is play the hand I’ve been dealt.”

Ultimately, playing the hand that we're dealt is an empowering option in most any situation.   Recognizing and understanding this “hand” is the first step toward optimally playing it. This does not mean that we shift into a victim mode, passively allowing the situation to play itself out. Playing the hand you’re dealt, essentially means to utilize your available resources (both internal and external) to set goals and operate within the parameters and/or limitations of your current situation. It means engaging others as advocates and allies when needed and gathering all of the relevant information that’s currently available. It’s about co-creating a viable strategy to move forward, doing whatever is in your power to do, having a clear outcome vision in mind and then letting go of attachment to the outcome. Sometimes, playing the hand you’re dealt also means being fully present in each moment and focusing on one step at a time.

Playing the hand you’re dealt is a healthy and empowering strategy for moving through life, especially when faced with a crisis situation that appears to come out of nowhere. Viktor E. Frankl, author of “Man’s Search for Meaning” said it much more eloquently that I can:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Here’s to strategically playing the hands we're dealt and to our collective growth, wisdom and freedom!

 

Janet