Revitalizing
Relationships by Janet
Shlaes, Ph.D.
“We come to
love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect
person perfectly.”
~ Sam Keen
The key to building
successful long-term loving relationships is developing the habit of going back
to the beginning. Let me explain…... Loving relationships commence with the
phenomenon of limerence, commonly known as infatuation. This relationship stage
is accompanied by intense psychological and physiological symptoms. A significant
shift in your hormone levels occurs leading to both physical and psychological
attraction, along with feelings of being magnetically drawn to the other
person. This stage is also characterized by the idealization of the other
person; you tend to experience their words and actions as endearing.
The
infatuation stage, however, is a temporary one that gradually fades over time. As
the fading occurs, many of the qualities that were initially appealing become irritating.
Although the qualities remain the same, your responses and meaning you attach
to the qualities changes. Many couples separate in the immediate post-limerence
time period. The real work of deepening a
relationship and developing a romantic friendship takes place as
infatuation ends. Couples who commit to moving beyond the infatuation stage
will experience the many benefits inherent in a long-term
relationship. What empowers them to deepen their relationship is choosing to develop the habit of returning to the
beginning. The process of returning to the beginning reminds you of your
partner’s initial appeal and attraction. Intentionally developing this habit also
serves to elicit your initial infatuation responses, along with the
strengthening of your ability to experience each other as imperfectly perfect.
Janet
For addition insights
and observations, check out the following posts:
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