When you engage with your unique “cast of characters,”
you are essentially transported back to an earlier time in life when you had
limited physical/emotional resources, skills and options. As this unanticipated
time travel occurs, a very human tendency is to respond in the present with mindsets,
resources and skills from your past. The impact of this regression to the past is
rarely pleasant, often including an unsettling combination of behaviors: misinterpretation
and personalization of data, words, intentions and behavior; communication
breakdowns; and, unintentional self-sabotage. Although the “cast of characters”
and circumstances may change, the consistent variable in this detrimental
equation is ultimately you.
The good news is that just because you are the
consistent variable in your life equation, you are not destined to repeat the
past. Through commitment, awareness,
strategic/informed action, practice and ongoing adjustment, you can
learn to develop new habitual responses to situations that have historically served
to disempower you. I invite you to consider the brief and iterative process detailed
below. This process will ultimately serve to rewire your brain, build new more
functional pathways and dismantle familiar no longer needed ones.
1.
Commitment: Transformation
is activated by your commitment to change. You recognize that your old way of
being in the world in no longer providing the benefits you currently desire and
you commit to intentionally modify your behavior.
2.
Awareness: Self-
and other-awareness regarding when your unique “cast of characters” gets
activated in your world, as well as your habitual response to their words and
actions. Self-awareness includes your personal narrative regarding the meaning
of others’ words, communication style and behavior, information and data that
you tend to personalize or distort and your characteristic manner of interacting
with your personal “cast of characters.” Awareness also includes your generating
an engaging vision for the other side of change.
3. Strategic/Informed
Action: It’s normal and natural when faced with your “cast
of characters” to be more reactive than proactive. A significant aspect of
being strategic is learning to slow down when you feel the pull to reactively
respond. Slowing down empowers you to strategically choose an action/response that
aligns with your vision for change; it also provides the time to evaluate outcomes
from your prior reactive behavior. Informed action steps become clear as you view
your situation from a more neutral meta-perspective; this viewpoint provides a
means to choose behaviors that organically lead you toward your desired outcome.
4.
Practice: Practicing your self-awareness and
strategic/informed action behaviors and mindset facilitates the forming of new improved
neuro-pathways, as well as the dismantling of historical no longer needed
pathways. This process occurs over time, requiring patience, perseverance and periodic
visits to your original vision and commitment. Over time, your new narrative expands
to include behaviors directly leading to your vision of success.
5.
Ongoing Adjustment: Adjustment is a
lifelong process as you continue to accomplish your goals, adapt to internal
and external changes and generate new visions for the various aspects of your
life. The added bonus of ongoing adjustment is that others will increasingly
notice how different you are and will be curious about your growth, success and
overall expansion.
You
are the consistent variable in all of your interactions, successes, failures
and near-misses. You do not have to live in the present driven by habits and
resources from the past. I invite you to follow the five steps detailed above
and enjoy your desired results.
Janet
For related posts, please check out the following
links:
Optimal Performance Fundamentals
Courage Revisited
Defining Moments
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